anti-capitalist (straight and to the point) jokes

Από το λογαριασμό χρήστη @AntiCapJokes στο twitter

  • What’s the difference between an onion and iPad? “An onion can actually feed people, the iPad is a useless distraction.”

What do you call someone who bails out multi-billion dollar banks and begrudges a poor mother social assistance? “A POS congressman!”

  • What do you call a woman who works to unravel the achievements of women-activists? “A conservative idiot!”

Knock knock. “Who’s there?” The revolutionary professor. “I am sorry but there’s no room for mythical creatures in my home.

  • Why did the billionaire cross the road? “Because there was a homeless family who needed a lecture on the importance of austerity!”

Knock Knock. “Who’s there?” Fox News. “What do you want, haven’t you fucking brainwashed enough people already?”

  • How many conservative women does it take to screw in a light-bulb? “They’re too busy screwing the cause of women with religious gibberish!”

What’s the difference between a team owner and a piece of steaming shit? “The piece of steaming shit doesn’t make money by distracting you.”

  • What is the difference between a celebrity and a bag of shit? “Celebrities are absolutely useless.”

Why did the political leader cross the road? “Because there was a billionaire donor that needed his shoes tied!”

  • What do you call someone who turns human language into an upper class propaganda tool? “A published author!”

What do you do call an asshole who thinks that peddling racism is patriotism? “A Fox News Anchor”

  • Why did McDonald’s fire the first Ronald McDonald? “Because he was an obese and realistic depiction of the company.”

What’s the difference between an NY Times reporter and a piece of shit? “The piece of shit does not have grand illusions about itself.”

  • How many popes does it take to start a revolution? “Popes don’t start revolutions, they work with intelligence agencies to quell them!”

What do you call a corporate slave with an unusually large ego? “A published author!”

  • Why did the piece of shit congressmen call for war? “Because Lockheed Martin stuffed his pocket with cash!”

What do you call a piece of shit who kills from the comfort of a plane and gets a medal for it? “A decorated air force pilot!”

  • What do you call someone who sells their souls for a yacht club membership? “A bona fide piece of shit!”

What’s the difference between Call of Duty and a pile of shit? “The pile of shit does not encourage boys to become mindless soldiers!”

  • What do you call someone with no power who gets voted in every four years? “A political leader!”

What do you call a piece of shit who poisons 90 million Americans with trans-fat each week? “McDonald’s CEO.”

  • Knock knock. “Who’s there?” A UN director. “Get out of here, no one is buying your bullshit, the UN is an imperialist organization!”

How many political leaders does it take to start a revolution? “They don’t start revolutions, they suck the revolution out of the people!”

  • What do you call an event where imperialist powers get together and brag about their sporting achievements? “The Olympics!”

What do you call an event where the world’s people come together to watch a bunch of buffoons kick a ball? “The World Cup!”

  • Knock knock. “Who’s there?” Your congressman. “Get the fuck out of here, the lobbyists have turned you into a corporate-whore.”

Knock knock. “Who’s there?” Apple’s CEO with a new product! “Fuck you and your new products you exploitive piece of shit!”

  • What’s the difference between an NBA player and a pile of shit? “The pile of shit does not allow anyone to buy and sell it like a commodity”

What did the celebrity do to get a start on Hollywood Boulevard? “What didn’t the celebrity do to get a star on Hollywood Boulevard?”

  • What do you call a piece of shit hypocrite who says one thing and does another? “A conservative leader!”

How many World Cup fans does it take to start a revolution? “They’re too busy drinking and starting fights with opposing fans!”

  • How many Americans die every year because they can’t afford healthcare? “Apparently not enough for the upper class’s liking!”

Why did the piece of shit congressman bailout the piece of shit banker? “Because they’re both pieces of shit!”

  • How many yacht club members does it take to start a revolution? “Yacht Club members don’t start revolutions, they just rob the people!”

What do you call someone who thinks that Fox News is reporting the truth? “A mentally locked up fool!”

  • Why did the NY Times reporter cross the road? “Because there was a story about the failure of capitalism to bury.”

How many reformists does it take to start a revolution? “They’re too busy opening foundations sponsored by the upper class!”

  • What do you call a system that turns young people into old wage-slaves? “The educational system!”

What’s the difference between the Olympics and a bag of onions? “Onions feed people, the Olympics poison minds with patriotic sentiments.”

  • Knock knock. “Who’s there?” A priest. “Get the fuck out of here I’d rather go to hell than give your thieving ass any money.”

Why did the soldier get a medal? “Because he killed a lot of people and managed to remain publically sane!”

  • What do you call a piece of shit who cares more about making a name for themselves than the struggle? “An elitist activist!”

Why did the technocrat sell his soul? “Because his boss offered him a promotion!”

  • How many priests does it take to start a revolution? “Priests don’t start revolutions, they tell you to stay at home and pray.”

What do you call someone who calls for smaller government and a bigger military? “A piece of shit conservative hypocrite!”

  • What do you call a government so crooked that it spends more money fighting drugs than providing its citizens with health care? “USA, USA!”

What do you call a society that spends more money executing people than treating people? “Texas!”

  • What’s the difference between Apple products and a pile of shit? “Piles of shit are not designed to distract you into stupidity.”

What do you call a piece of shit whose job is to turn young energetic students into passive wage-slaves? “A professor!”

  • What do you call spoiled pigs who lounge all day while robbing and exploiting the masses? “The Upper Class”

Why did the embedded reporter cross the road? “Because there was a story that need a pro-military bias!”

  • Why are celebrities such pathetic drug addicts? “Because they are mental slaves locked up in colorful cages!”

Why did the super model cross the road? “Because there was a cocaine dealer on the other side!”

  • What’s the difference between Apple and a pile of steaming shit? “The pile of steaming shit does not drive workers to suicide!”

Why did the commercial rapper rap about drugs? “Because the record company executives own shares in private prison corporations!”

  • What do you call a society so stupid as to deprive its citizens of basic healthcare? “The United States of Capitalism!”

Why does Cuba have a better healthcare system than the US? “Because the American upper class wants to kill people too sick to slave!”

  • What do you call a piece of shit singer who spends her days on YouTube looking for people’s ideas to ‘borrow’? “Beyonce.”

How many congressmen does it take to screw in a light-bulb? “They’re too busy screwing tax-payers and bailing out filthy banks!”

  • How do you become a military hero? “You kill a lot of innocent people and then you say you did the right thing!”

Why are universities owned by corporations? “Because they’re designed to churn out students owned by CEOs!”

  • Knock knock. “Who’s there?” The Olympics. “Get the fuck out of here, my country is humanity, my nation is the world!”

What do you call a vain piece of shit who thinks fame is happiness and numbs their mind with cocaine? “A pop music star!”

  • How many charities does it take to end world hunger? “But if world hunger ends, they’d be out of business!”

What do you call someone who learns the law to find ways to cheat it? “A corporate lawyer!”

  • What do a daughter of immigrants who passionately hates all immigrants? “A piece of shit Michelle Malkin”

How many billionaires does it take to screw a light-bulb? “They’re too busy screwing humanity out of the planet’s natural resources!”

  • What do you call a place rich in gold and poor in spirituality? “The church!”

Why did the reactionary cross the road? “Because there was a get-rich-quick seminar across the street!”

  • What’s the difference between a lobbyist and a train? “The train moves people, the lobbyist moves politicians to serve corporations!”

and many more…

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One thought on “anti-capitalist (straight and to the point) jokes

  1. Καλέ, πού είναι η μετάφραση; Μάθημα αγγλικών είναι; E, καλά, λεφτά για να πάμε διακοπές στο εξωτερικό δεν έχουμε. Θα μου πεις μπορεί να χρειαστεί να ξεναγήσουμε τίποτα τουρίστες.

    Πού χάθηκες εσύ και ανησυχώ; Άφαντος και από εδώ και από τους σουρεαλιστές χωρίς σύνορα. Είπα οτι τελικά το αποφάσισες και πήρες το σακίδιο στον ώμο και την έκανες με ελαφρά για καμιά παραλία.

    Αλλά πες κι ένα “γεια, φεύγω για ταξιδάκι” να ξέρουμε να μην ανησυχούμε.

    🙂

    Y.Γ. Μια ματιά που έριξα, μερικά μου φάνηκαν λίγο αμερικανιές. Σωστά βέβαια, αλλά κάθε γλώσσα αλλιώς αντιλαμβάνεται το χιούμορ, με αποκορύφωμα το γνωστό εγγλέζικο με το οποίο δεν γελάει κανείς!

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